My Valentine

Last night my wife of 17 years and I went to a dinner celebrating Valentine’s Day. At this dinner Steve Clifford and his wife were the guest speakers. They talked about marriage and how to keep the romance live. It was a great night. Steve Clifford is the senior pastor at Westgate Church. Steve and his wife, Dana talked about two things significant to not only marriage but relationships in general. First was the importance of understanding what motivates us and our mates. Second was a discussion of the five languages of love.

My wife and I learned that we are both motivated by approval of others. Making sure that others are satisfied with our performance is very important to both of us. This is rather interesting in my case because on most levels I really don’t care what others think. I am very opinionated. I don’t really care that others don’t agree with my opinions. I am interested in the thoughts and opinions of others but am seldom willing to take anyone’s word for anything. Thus, most people who know me think I am largely uninterested in the opinions of others. That is true except where my performance is concerned. I work best for managers who recognize and reward, how ever slightly, performance. Interestingly enough, few of my managers figured that out.

The languages of love was the best part of the message. It is beyond the scope of this medium so I’ll refer the reader to the book. Suffice it to say that I believe that what this book teaches is meaningful not only in communicating to your mate but to all the relationships in our lives. The book discusses how we communicate love. How we communicate ‘like’ if you prefer.

After dinner and listening to Steve and Dana, my wife and I went to Lulu Carpenters’ for dessert, coffee and a conversation about what we’d learned. In May it’ll be 18 years. I thought I loved my wife on the day we married. As I look back, the love we had then was nothing.

Aloha

[posted with ecto]

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