February 2004 Archives

I put my kids to bed tonight. Probably the last time I'll do that for a while. We all cried.

The goodbyes make me sad. As my daughter pointed out, there would be something wrong if I were not sad. I still don't like feeling sad.

This poem has come up a couple of times since I've been home. It was first pointed out by my wife. After I'd read it she asked if it made me cry. I had managed to get through the first reading of it without shedding tears so I was able to honestly answer no. Of course, subsequent reading of it brought me to tears that I couldn't stop. The verse from the perspective of the small child is that of my son. The verse from the perspective of the soldier is mine save that I'm a sailor not a soldier.

I always have to chuckle at those who demand peace. Peace is only possible for as long as there is no one willing to use violence. The Saddams and Hitlers of the world love those who will do anything for peace.

As we approach the one year anniversary of the start of this war America has grown tired of hearing about it. The heros returning and the sacrifices made by them and their families America is tired of hearing. As we enter an election year the rhetoric will fly about whether or not we should be in this war and how we got there. As war is really an ugly business that no one really wants, the arguments about why we should never have entered it will sound better each time. Being a sailor, soldier, airman or marine really is a thankless job. However, I still believe that every generation must pay the price of freedom and liberty. And that price is always paid in blood.

Aloha

I took my girlfriend of 18 years out on a date tonight. We went to dinner, then to a coffee house for desert. We talked a lot, walked and held hands, spent time being a couple again. It was awesome. I can't wait to do it again.

Aloha

We completed and passed our FEP. We have been deemed qualified and ready to go and serve in Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom. I'm enjoying a few days of liberty before we ship out. I return to San Diego Sunday evening. I have the final goodbyes with my family to get through. That will be hard. On the other hand, it will be good to actually get out there and start doing the job we are trained for.

I still believe in what we're doing out there. There is now a lot of argument over WMD and why we are in Iraqi. I think the case for going into Iraq could have been better made. The whole WMD issue was unnecessary. Saddam's blatant defiance of the UN and the Global Community necessitated a response in language that Saddam better understands. The book The Threatening Storm: The Case for Invading Iraq is a good primer on the history of Iraq, the history of conflict in Iraq, and why we should be in Iraq right now. We would do well to remember that no one wanted to take on Hilter either. It was almost too late when we did. Yet Hilter was undenably an evil in the world that needed to be irradicated. And lastly, whatever else we might say there are 25 million who are now free from over 30 years of oppression.

I enjoyed hooking up with my buddy Jamie this morning. We went out to one of the local surf spots, drank coffee and talked about things shallow and deep. Kindred spirits are often hard to find in life. I always put high value on those I do find. I will be surfing vicariously through Jamie while I'm away. As such, I hope he gets lots of good waves.

Aloha

One more watch. Monday morning we start tearing down Camp Cluster. That too will be a training evolution with folks looking on to make sure we do it right. It's raining here. Hard enough that they are issuing flash flood warnings for the area. We'll be packing away tents wet and dirty. That will mean more work for somebody down the road. Probably us.

Still no word on liberty before pushing over the horizon. People are starting to look at the cost of flights home. Everyone wants one last chance to say goodbye. One last hug, one last embrace. One last I love you, daughter. One last you're awesome son. One last it will all be OK honey, really. I'll see you soon. The rumors are flying about standing a watch on equipment that is locked away and safely stowed.

Part of me wonders, what the hell have I done? Part of me knows that this is what I was made for. I'm proud of what I'm doing. I'm proud of the support my family is giving me. I worry about my family. I worry about the possibility, however slight it maybe, that I'll come home lying under a flag. At the same time, I wish for opportunities to participate in operations that are a bit more high speed, low drag. I long for the opportunity to be operational. To earn the title and reputation of an operator. Someone whose been through the fire and not only survived but had it together and performed.

I'm told that I will get to go home tomorrow or Tuesday. As I contemplate being home one last time with my family I wonder what can I say? What can I do that will give them something tangible to cling to for the next six months? What can I do that will be an acceptable replacement for my not being there in the important moments when a husband/father should be with his family? In light of the reality that I will be gone for six months everything I might do or say seems so trivial.

I am torn between the mission that I have committed myself to and the family to which I am deeply devoted. I have to guess that every military member faces this. I suspect that with time and repetition it gets easier to manage this dichotomy. Or maybe you just learn to ignore the turmoil of emotion that swirls around it. I suppose that is why the divorce rate among military service members is so high. It can't be easy for the military spouse to understand why their loved one chooses the life they do. Hell, I'm not even sure I understand why I've chosen this path.

Aloha

For being in the middle of a FEP there sure isn't much happening on watch. I just finished my second watch of the FEP. Nothing happened. A Red Hat asked me to explain various tasks and systems in the communication's suite. Pretty simple stuff.

I've got two more watches in this FEP, the mid and then the 1800 to 2400 tomorrow night. My guess is that not much will happen on the mid-watch, the one watch where I would welcome some activity and a few interesting problems to solve. The 1800 to 2400 that will probably be pretty busy.

Efforts to raise moral still don't seem to be much of a concern to the command. We're still being told that there is no liberty policy as yet. This means that no one can begin making any kind of plans to meet with family members, air travel arrangements, etc. If they do come through with some kind of liberty for the unit, everyone will be forced to pay high dollar for air travel since we'll be buying tickets at the last minute. This kind of thing seems to be par for the course for this unit. Which raises some questions about senior leadership's concern for moral and welfare of the unit members and their families.

Preparation and planning could definitely be better. Then again, I suppose that can be said about most things in life.

Aloha

Our FEP has begun. I was on watch from 1200 to 1800. Woo hoo. What fun. Voice comms were a problem everywhere. I'm walking up to the van to assume the watch and before I even get there they tell me to go to HDC and trouble-shoot their VHF/UHF. Off I go. Receive but no transmit. Hum? Spent about an hour trouble-shooting HDCs radio when they tell me to get up to the van, they have problems up there. Well, you always have to take care of your own house first so I wander up to the van to find out what's up. No comms on VHF/UHF with anyone. Hum? So after a few checks I take it all down to cold iron and bring it all back up. Shazam! We got comms! OK, now back to HDCs troubles. I reload crypto and balla-boom, balla-bing, we talking to the world. All in a day's work.

If all the watches go that smoothly this will be a quick three day exercise.

Three more watches and it'll all be over.

Aloha

The Boredom – This morning we sat through several briefs that are required for deployment. Most of them were pretty dry, boring stuff. Death by PowerPoint, as they say.

The Good Surprise – we did our Physical Requirements Test (PRT) today. I did 40 sit-ups (better than before but still in need of work), 61 push-ups (a personal best), and a time of 10:29 on the 1.5 mile run (also a personal best). I surprised myself with the time on the run. I didn't think I could do that.

The Bad Surprise – at 1610 this afternoon I was told I would have to stand the mid-watch. Having the mid-watch at all is bad enough. Finding out you have to stand the mid-watch eight hours before you go on watch really sucks.

Another fine Navy day.

Aloha

Preliminarily (do you suppose that is really a word?), I don't like it much when my watch starts at noon. I can't sleep until it is time to get up for watch but there's really not enough time to do a whole lot before watch either. I ended up standing around waiting for time to pass. Not fun.

And now more to the title of this post, today there is a war going on (well, ok, a few minor skirmishes) between MIUW 104 and the SEALS. Yeah, I mean like with rounds being fired and everything. It quite exciting. I guess I have to explain. One of the things we train towards is the ability to handle our own security and defense in the face of a hostile action. As part of the that training the SEALs who normally train on the same facility that we are using are acting as the Opposing Force (OpFor in Mil-speak). It's really pretty fun. They use a special type of paint ball gun. The weapon is an adapted M14 that fires paintballs instead of bullets. I got off watch before any of the real action started. It should be quite interesting to hear the stories tomorrow from the guys out there tonight.

Aloha

We had the whole day off yesterday. It's probably an indication that something is wrong when I get fairly excited about the fact that I have a day off. Anyway, not knowing what to do with all that free time I decided to drive up to Costa Mesa and go to Calvary Chapel for evening service. I contacted a friend who also goes there in the hope of meeting him. Mapquest said it would be one hour and 28 minute drive. Mapquest doesn't know about traffic. I have no idea where all these people were coming from or going to but there were a lot of people on the road. It took me two and a half hours to get to Costa Mesa.

I met Drew at Calvary Chapel. Chuck Smith was in a series working his way through Proverbs, basically just reading them and explaining the more obscure ones. I was pretty tired and struggled to stay awake. Afterwards Drew and I went out to have dinner and coffee. I had dinner, Drew and pie and coffee. We caught up on each other, talked about his new CD coming out real soon now, and talked about where old friends are today.

I've known Drew for twenty years. Old friends are good to have.

Aloha

Well, we get a day off. The schedule said that we were supposed to work straight through the weekend but yesterday afternoon they shut things down, reduced everything down to security watches and sent everyone home. I don't have to go back on watch until 1800 Monday. So I end up with almost two days off.

I have about two, two and half weeks until I head over the horizon. Still not sure exactly which day I'll be leaving. Apparently there's some difficulty in getting the flight scheduled with the Air Force. I wonder where we'll take off from. And where we'll land. I've been told that the flight will probably land several times before it gets to our final destination. It seems there's the possibility that some of the layovers can be pretty long. Eight plus hours. In any case I'm looking forward to it. It should be an interesting adventure.

The end of this week we have our FEP which stands for Final Exercise Problem. A three or four day exercise to test whether we as a unit are ready for active service or not. MIUW 104 seems more than ready for their part. Not sure whether the other units are. I'll be glad when all this training and exercise is over. It has all been poorly planned, poorly communicated, and execution has been mediocre. Sooner done is better.

Aloha

The following quote if from this article.

Last night, while you were sleeping, the teeth of hurricane Isabel came through this area and tore hell out of everything... We have thousands of trees down...power outages...traffic signals out...roads filled with downed limbs and "gear adrift" debris...We have flooding...and the place looks like it has been the impact area of an off shore bombardment. The Regimental Commander of the U.S. Third Infantry sent word to the nighttime Sentry Detail to secure the post and seek shelter from the high winds, to ensure their personal safety. THEY DISOBEYED THE ORDER...During winds that turned over vehicles and turned debris into projectiles...the measured steps continued. One fellow said "I've got buddies getting shot at in Iraq who would kick my butt if word got to them that we let them down...I sure as hell have no intention of spending my Army career being known as the g----m idiot who couldn't stand a little light breeze and shirked his duty."

Then he said something in response to a female reporters question regarding silly purposeless personal risk...."I wouldn't expect you to understand. it's an enlisted man's thing."

And then...

While we slept, we were represented by some d--n fine men who fully understood their post orders and proudly went about their assigned responsibilities unseen, unrecognized and in the finest tradition of the American Enlisted Man. Folks, there's hope....The gene that George S. Patton...Arliegh Burke and Jimmy Doolittle left us...survives.

It's an enlisted man thing. George S. Patton, Arliegh Burke and Jimmy Doolittle were great military men. But they did not leave us the with the tradition of the enlisted man. They were all officers. Officers and enlisted men serve different missions in the military and that was the point the sargeant was trying to make. The Commander had sent word to stand down the watch. It was the Enlist Men who would not be relieved or retired. The tradition belongs, not to the officers of our great military but to the enlisted men and women who stand the watch.

Military history seldom remembers the enlisted man short of those who do fantastically heroic things. History remembers the Officers who make the decisions and not the enlisted men and women who are responsible for the difficult execution of those decisions. History remembers the Officer who commands that a hill be taken but seldom remembers the names of enlisted men who died in the execution of that decision. It is the enlisted men who remember. It is the enlisted men who remember our shipmates still on watch on the USS Arizona. It is the enlisted men who remember the names of men still on patrol on Iwo Jima. It is the enlisted men and women who remember the names of men and women who will remain forever on duty in the sands of Iraq. It is the enlisted man who will remain at his gun providing cover fire so that all of his unit can get to cover even in the face of fierce enemy fire.

It's an Enlisted Man Thing.

[Addendum]

With only two of us to stand watch we're standing eight hour watches and leaving the mid-watch unattended (the Commo is pretty cool). Last night was a pretty busy watch. Message traffic took about two hours to go get the traffic, sort through it, print out the messages for the read board. Then I had to take an HF radio out to the MSP and get it set up. I forgot some of the pieces so I had to make two trips. In the meantime IT1 came back from school up north so I had to go pick him up from the airport. Finally finished up work and got in to bed around 0215.

With IT1 back on the watch schedule I suspect we will have to go back to six on twelve off watch standing. Definitely not as nice as eight on, sixteen off as we have it now. But it's only one more week and then we start packing up to head over the horizon.

I'll be flying over on an Air Force aircraft, probably either a C-130 or C-5 Galaxy. Weapons and CCI gear have to go over on military aircraft. Personnel fly on chartered commercial aircraft. Chartered commercial is more comfortable but not as adventurous or fun. I've never flown in a military cargo plane before. Every one is telling me it will be cold and miserable. This one time it will be an adventure. Not sure I'll be interested in doing it again. We'll have to see how this trip goes.

I talked with Machiko and the kids last night. They danced in the Hapa concert in Santa Cruz. Wish I could have been there to see them. Machiko said that she was able to get video of Yoshi dancing but that she and Miyuki danced together so she couldn't record that one. I'll be glad to see Yoshi's dance but I really enjoy watching Machiko and Miyuki dance together. I wish I could have seen that.

Happy Valentine's day, Machiko. I love being married to you.

Aloha

Changes in life are interesting. I enjoy change. My wife hates it. Some times the unexpected changes are the most interesting.

It has taken a while to adjust to military life again. And to adjust to Reserve Military life. There's a difference between "regular Navy" and "reserve Navy". Even though we are currently on active duty the command still plans, acts and reacts like a reserve unit. Use of chain of command is a problem both up and down. We have department heads that are trying to directly control individual sailors, cutting the division officers out of the chain. We have individual sailors exploiting this break down in chain and attempting to influence senior officers. This is something that would be far less likely and less tolerated in the regular Navy. We're getting better at it, most of us any way. I think it will be interesting to see how we change over the next six months.

For my own life I am finding that I enjoy my new job as a IT2 in the US Navy a lot more than my civilian job. Maybe that's just because it is something new, maybe that's because I was really fed up with my civilian job. I don't know. I just know that I really enjoy what I'm doing now.

If my family were living down here in San Diego things would really be great. The separation from my family is hard but not as hard I had anticipated. We talk a lot. Staying connected is really important. And the members of the family are really stepping up to the added responsibility of supporting each other. Machiko, Miyuki and Yoshiyuki are doing an awesome job of supporting each and me.

Aloha

So, after two days at school I'll be returning to camp and standing watch. Since there are only two ITs the Commo has asked us to stand up a watch from 0800 to 2400. The other IT and I have divided that into two eight hour watches. He's standing the 0800 to 1600 and I have the watch from 1600 to 2400. Of course, because of the amount of work that needs to get done, I'll probably start working at 1200. Funny thing is, I love it. I really enjoy what I'm doing. I don't like some of the scheduling and planning or lack there of.

I really learned a lot in the school that we just completed. I contacted the guys at Expeditionary Warfare Training Group Pacific (EWTGPac) as soon as I found out we were headed into the Gulf. I asked them for in depth training on the radios that I knew would we likely be asked to use in the Gulf. The Master Sergeants at EWTGPac are awesome. Not only did they teach us a whole lot about the radios we will be using, they also taught how to get them talking to the radios that other units and services (Seabees, Army, Marine Corps) commonly use. Very valuable training. It was really great stuff.

We have another day of training coming up next week. This time to learn the details of NAVMACS II. NAVMACS II is the message routing and handling software that we use. Similar to email but with several added layers of complication.

The weather down here has been really nice. I think we've had maybe one day of rain since I've been down here. I really wish I had my surfboard and some time to explore the surfing down here. I expect I'll get a better chance to investigate the surfing down here when we demobilize in the fall.

The base where we have set up our training camp is also where the SEALs conduct their training. It's always interesting to see them come out and train. We're given strict orders not to take pictures or stare at them. One week when a new class of SEALs was going through their final week -- called hell week -- I heard the bell ring five or six times. That was five or six guys who came within days of succesful completion and could not finish. I feel for those guys.

Last night I talked with my family using iSight and iChat. Great stuff. It is really nice to be able to talk with and see my family. So far I've been able to get together with my family every two weeks. I am beginning to wonder what it will be like when I final go over the horizon and can't be with them for six months. That will be a long time.

OK, so, first I have to tell you about this really cool little joint that I'm hanging out in. It's called Coffee Breakers and it is down in Imperial Beach. If you're in the San Diego area you should check it out. When they close at nine I'll probably head up to Starbucks.

Today I went to a comms school that I set up. There is this group of Marines who teach comms at a unit called EWTGPac. They rock! I've been through one of their courses before. So when I found out that we would be headed out for some real world ops I contacted their CO and asked if they could provide some specialized training so that I could begin teaching my own unit. Up to now we have been dependent on outside resources for portable voice comms training.

Today was the first day of a two day class. One other guy from my unit and I and the instructor. The instructor is has twenty three years in the Marine Corps as a communicator. This guy has forgotten more about comms than I will ever know. He's awesome. It was a lot of fun to have him basically all to myself. He loves teaching and training. I learned a lot about PRC-117Fs, PRC-119s, and how to trouble shoot comms between dissimilar radios. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.

Aloha

Well, I had big plans for writing in this blog every day and using it to track my experience on active duty and deployment to the Persian Gulf. As you can see I haven't been following thru on those plans very well. My good friend Dan mentioned in an email that he had checked my blog and it didn't appear that I was updating it. That has served as the impetuous for this post. We'll see how long lasting the motivation is.

The guy that I've roomed with since December flew over the horizon today. His boots will be in the sand by tomorrow, I suppose. I will be flying out early with the crypto gear. I was originally suppose to leave on the 28th but I was told today that it has been moved out. I wasn't given any more than that. Welcome to the Navy.

Some of you may know that when I returned to the Navy in 2001 they changed my rate from Operations Specialist (OS) to Information Systems Technician (IT). These past few weeks of training have been a real opportunity to learn that new job. I'm actually becoming a fairly good IT. IT2 Purkett, the guy I work with is largely responsible for that. He came off active duty in 2002 and is still very current in his knowledge of the rate. He's also a good trainer, very interested in making sure I know what I need to.

The training schedule and planning leaves a lot to be desired. It is very hard to understand why we are doing what we are doing. We are currently operating 24 hours a day 7 days a week. As there are only two ITs that means that Purkett and I hour some pretty long hours. Whatever, soon we'll go forward and things will change.

Aloha